Mother needs a commander beta
This is a story of a son Dave who becomes a new master for his mother Eleonora. Eleonora is a latent submissve who lost her husband in a car accdient 2 years ago. Since then she cannot live a normal life. So, her son decides to replace him. Will he be able to do that? Will she accept this replacement or would it be some new relationship unseen before? You decide.
It's still beta. I'll be very gratefull if you write your feedback on graphics, music, grammar, narrative, bugs.
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Abandoned game?
The game has continuation but under different name. It's called Commanding presence, you can find it in my profile.
I've decided to remake everything, so the game changed a lot and cannot be placed here.
For me its a complete other game not the same to bad
will u continue the game ?
The game has continuation but under different name. It's called Commanding presence, you can find it in my profile.
I've decided to remake everything, so the game changed a lot and cannot be placed here.
there is no ntr?
there is ntr
I think this is a good start. I love the concept. The grammar is pretty far from correct, and the whole thing got too wordy for me. I specifically disliked when you switched from first person to third person mid-scene several times, sometimes even mid-sentence; you repeated parts of phrases; and you didn't make it clear when Dave went from speaking to thinking.
If you sent me the script I could go over it, edit it, and give some suggestions. I've always been interested in editing, but I have been out of Uni for too long to ask someone to pay me for it. Plus, I would love to see this work do well.
Thank you very much.
Yes, I agree that the grammar is pretty bad. The same goes for using multiple points of view.
I only published this demo as a test to see if I can actually make a VN myself. The feedback I received was quite surprising and showed that this project had potential.
If you look at my profile, you will see a demo of another VN, where I corrected the first and third person dialogues and reduced the number of grammatical errors. However, I still see that there is plenty of room for improving the text.
Mommy Needs a Commander is currently on hold and will hopefully be remade into a pixel art game in the future.
If you find my works interesting, I would like to send you a script of upcoming pixel art style game.
You won me over with the words pixel art!
I'll also take a look at your other vn.
I love the concept cuz it isn´t ur average VN gameplay, from what I´m grasping of the idea u need to choose assertive/"dominant" choices (correct me if I´m wrong) which kinda new but also goes with the concept of needing a commander; I do love mc isnt that used to be like that with her mother since is new for him, so ig maybe later he may get more dominant.
I do think that the mother have room to be more a little more bratty, not only cuz it would make things more interesting, but also is kinda along her character
for what I´ve seen so farsince she is getting used to a new commander; and at the same time could help mc to have a challenge (+giving both room to getting use to their new relationship)Please take what I just said only as feedback/commentaries, I don´t pretend to tell you what to do
Overall I love the concept, it's somewhat refreshing from what I've seen so far
Keep up the good work.
Thanks a lot for your comment! I see that the novel has to provide some challenges in order to make it more interesting. Making mother more bratty seems to me like a good idea, however, I don't fully get it. Is it about make her want to keep mother-and-son relationships and the only way of seducing her it being rude/dominant?
Or is it about adding some more content with her being capricious/weak to fully cover their character development before they will get more explict submissive-dominant. Like showing some scenes where the mother falls again for laziness and you have to choose more commanding options to return her to normal.
Could you please describe it in more details? I'd love to add more interactive content to the game.
Overall, you helped me a lot as it is first thorough feedback and I see now some parts that I should work on.
Yes, something like that actually; from what I understood from the conversation with the uncle, the mother tends to obey more is by giving her direct orders or if the MC behaves more dominantly with her (at least that's what that scene and subsequent ones gave me to understand), so that made me think that since she isn´t used to obey her son, she has room to make her a little reluctant in being totally braindead obedient; like returning to her usual childish behavior's or something like she being like a rebellious teenager, in that way MC has to stablish "dominance" on her, for what i read the mom was kinda into that of being punished, scolded and that sort of things, u know, being dominated in general, so in that way she can push MC to go further, and well a relationship of master-servant/active-passive also has its implications in social ambit (by this I mean situations out of the core family, like in public; ex. Mom making an scene in a restaurant or in the movies cuz she is reluctant to obey MC , or Idk, she doesnt knows what to eat/watch in the movies and MC is ashamed cause she can´t make that choice), since she is all about I dont know to make choices by myself, seeing how it plays out in a more public place can be an option.
What I mean by that, is that what I understand from the dialogue and dialogue choices is that she really likes to be dominated/controlled, which is pretty cool, her main character trait is that she is submissive, she likes to be told what to do, so that's why when selecting options it seemed quite intuitive to me that the most dominant responses were the "correct" ones in the case, so you understand what I mean, it's like when you choose the sweetest dialogue in the average VN to make the love interest fall in love; or that's what I think you aimed to, it's like when MC told her mom that she will take off her dress when he says (I don't remember the exact dialogue, but it was something like that), that's why I assumed that you were going for a domination route or that a domination route could be done, (your choice). So that part was an interpretation of mine, mostly cause the dialogues makes u think that kind of stuff is hot for her (for example the outcomes of the last choices in current version gives room for this interpretation) and such is a plausible option from a storytelling point of view, that is what meant by saying it looked that more dominant/assertive options are the MC´s way to seduce her.
Sorry for the long reply, I hope it helps
You helped me a lot, thank you :) Now I get it. What I am thinking about is that I want to show that the mother becomes apathetic when doesn't recive orders from her son. But when she does, she is no more a lazy/clumsy/weak but rather mature, moterhly and still has a submissive character. It is like battery recieves energy the same when the mother is treated hurshly/in a commanding tone, so she can behave normally. Therefore, the game choices can open or skip the whole scenes depending on that, also, cause the root change.
Making her more childish and capricious may cause a break in mother-and-son relationships that I tried to show they have. MC could feel himself more like a father with a grown up daughter. Still I think it is possible and in some way logical as the demo part of the game does not cover the rest of the story. Your idea is good and I see it in the way that maybe it can be shown with a new character. Maybe with MC's younger sister... :)
[Spoiler] What I want to cover is a gradual developemnt of their characters as they get to the final point of clear dominant-submissive relationsip. Starting from a weak mother and tired of her son. Goes to 'good' mother and a little more confident son. Then they could be more like a lovers as MC gets more and more dominant and the mother gets less motherly. Eventually, they could have husband-and-wife relationship in public and totally master-and-slave when they are at home. If that does make sense to you.
I'd like to hear you opinion on that.
Sorry if it is long, it is so nice to discuss aspects of the game with you.
I think I can agree up to some point with this this, just remember kinda the foundation of the starting point from which everything starts, perhaps not the capricious part, but in essence it is where the protagonist identifies the problem knows what has to be done, so early on u could play a little with this idea; or u can save it for the little sister (although both ideas are not necessarily mutually exclusive, if you like could leave the capricious part for the sister, since as a big brother myself I know how capricious little sisters can be) if u feel that it would destroy the mother-son relationship.
I mean, the change of attitudes clearly has to be gradual, but so it has to be change in the relationship, in that respect I do fell that they getting in love and the dom/sub relationship has to go in parallel, cause otherwise it would look like it was spontaneous love; so the relationship between the mother and the MC go in parallel, not necessarily hand to hand, but their relationship has to grow as they grow, especially because the development of the relationship involves the MC having to get used to being more secure and demanding;
Part of the reason I see it as something that develops in parallel is because the relationship with the mother is what triggers the protagonist's character development; In that sense it makes sense that that is what "drives" it, obviously, is not like it has to be only cause of that but is kinda a major reason. That being said I mostly mentioned the public dominant situations cause the hilarious things u could do playing with that; but also cause it could give MC a boost in confidence/or development; something like "mmmnn, I could try ______ and see what happens"; mostly cause the idea of being dominant is having the control.
In that way what I try to say is that dont necessarily take this like something that has to be set on stone, but as something u could play with in the history; like for comedy relief or show how far they have change.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts in such detail. It means a lot to me, as I receive insightful comments quite infrequently. I hope you will enjoy the game once it is completed.
amazing so far. Loved every second of it, very nice job!
So nice to hear it! Thanks a lot :)
game crash when i start . i didnt even get the loding screen .
What device?
windows 10 / google chrome
U should post an online version
I did, thanks for recommendation
Pretty good. Pics are awesome. Game is short because it's beta but worth playing
Thanks!